Oh geez, where do I start.
With the negative rap sheet this film already owns,
it will be hard to argue against the aforementioned critiques. Especially because most everything you hear
about this movie is true. There is no
real original content, plot holes galore, annoying moments involving forced
references, and countless let downs.
Now that I have joined the masses, the masses with a valid
point, I would like to say “It wasn’t that bad” and “It was fun, and I think
it’s perfect for children.” This was
officially, and absolutely nothing but a retelling of the story. Something that has been addressed at length
throughout superhero movies and even throughout history: all original stories have been written, we
just recreate them all, putting new twists or “Shyamalan’s” in them. This essentially took the cake. Do you remember when you were younger (before
the booze) watching a movie? A movie
that you looked forward to, maybe you watched the television show and became a
fan. (Bear with me) after watching and
liking the cinematic version enough to say “it gave the show justice” and “the
special effects were decent, I enjoyed the action and jokes. Not the best film but I can’t wait to talk
about it amongst my peeps.” Then the
next day at school the kids are taking it
to town, tearing it apart, making a good argument. Whether or not you grow some and stick up for
it or not, is not the point. Feeling you
had a connection with this flick, and the general populace disagrees with your decision,
that’s where I see many younger folk may stand on this encounter (Or, at least
that’s what I may have assessed as a younger me). Warning: If you flash forward ten years, in
retrospect you might realize that those people were right and or feeling
possibly cheated.
Before I return to thrashing this
TMNT, I will bring to light some of the good points. I like to form these type of reviews in what
I call… a “crap sandwich” model. The
thing about a “crap sandwich” it has to consist of something different in the
middle… something positive, or its just three layers of crap (Basically, I like
silver linings. In some instance they
are incredibly hard to find. This time,
it wasn’t that difficult).
The part I thoroughly enjoyed was
the concept: flashbacks of the turtles through an actual upbringing, or
childhood. The idea of a half-rat
half-human raising four son-turtles in the sewer does raise many humorous,
interesting possibilities. Other
versions of the narrative, didn’t make as much of a focus on it, or don’t show
as many stages of their life. Watching
a young Michelangelo jovially dancing to some old-school Gwen Stefani (luckily, there’s no new-school Gwen Stefani. But
seriously, that song is a benchmark for that time period [and is
featured in the leaked Deadpool test footage]. I understand it because, Holla Back Girl wasn’t the worst song and it… was… everywhere. At least everyone’s forgotten about that
mind-numbing Crazy Town
In this new installment of the
turtles they have never been so identifiably different from each other, even in
their physical form. For the most part,
before this one, if the characters took off their masks no one would be able to
tell the difference between the four. A
little more like the comics, the multiple team members and their recognizable
range in personality was a major emphasis.
Reading an article some time ago (I want to give props, but can’t
remember where or who. I think it was on
CBR) they discussed the garb each character sported and how it was a little
excessive. It was even more than
expected, combined with the on-screen personalities (Donatello’s cliché dork
stuff was the best if I had to choose)
The new Shredder is what I would
expect the Shredder would look like in a 2014 TMNT movie. As result of the new hero’s image and
modern-ass-kicking ability, the next logical progression is “pumping up” the
villain. Supplying him with a new
arsenal, I actually didn’t mind the small liberties
stretching all the way to the Shredder’s weird magnetic blades.
Through the grapevine, I heard
grumbles about the April O’Neal’s (or Megan Fox) part, but this as well was a
non-issue. In my oh-so-humble opinion,
no problem with this movie ever involved her.
There is one exception, not directly related to her. When Fox meets the turtles for the first
time, there is all this unnecessary jumping and shouting, kind of an awkward
meeting. Then April faints, which reminds
me of the 90’s film (who did a better first encounter scene). This faction was
done poorly and was unbelievable to a certain level. I don’t believe it was Fox’s delivery but it
had a strange taste.
With a more mature subject matter growing in kids movies, I
had hopes they were going to make a more gruesome, gritty version, possibly
like the comics.
Side note: I didn’t know if it was
intentional, but in the comics, Raphael (in a Days of future Past feel) has to
use time travel to avoid the slaying of his three brothers. In this timeline Raph loses an eye and wears
an eye-patch. In the film, during one of
the flashbacks, one of them as an adolescent, is wearing one (I think it was
Raphael, no matter what it reminded me of the comic).
Instead, it was one of the most family friendly showings
I’ve seen in a while. Unlike the new
comic movie trend, the new Ninja Turtle did not push that envelope. Possibly hindering it, the fighting scenes
and “ninja” aspect (along with some other dynamic aspects) left a little to be
desired.
This leads me to the biggest conflict I felt existed within,
the Splinter situation. Although this is
not the direct issue, I am under the impression that the original back-story
(the one obviously recreated in the cartoon) Splinter is a man turned rat. In all of the movies he is a mutated rat (he
transforms into a really cartoonish rat in the newest one). I understand, it is much easier to tell that
version of the story, but the idea that the man-rat just found an instructional
karate book, and taught all of his students… that was a little difficult to endure.
Once again, my ignorance may be my downfall, was there a
cinematic ban on Rocksteady and Bebop? I
was expecting looking for a reference for even a future appearance or even a
nod to them which I did not identify.
Being two of my favorite all-time villains/henchmen, I have always
wondered that. If they do incorporate
them in the next one, that will be a challenge, adjusting their backstories to
fit.
I repeat, this movie is ideal for children and there was
just enough entertainment to get the adults through to the end. I give it five and a half gamma rays out of a
possible ten.
C.J. Foxx
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